Thursday, June 01, 2006

Taking My Chances With Lady Luck

I admit it; it’s my fault. I’m the one who thought it and therefore I am responsible. On Tuesday evening all of our stuff had been in the apartment a day, the air conditioning was working as was the cable and the internet, which I believe I mentioned was sporadic in my last post, but I was still happy to have just something. And then I thought it. I thought to myself, “Maybe our luck is finally going to change…” And I am sorry. I am very, very sorry. Do you hear me Lady Luck!? I’m fucking sorry! (Please note that is the first time I have cursed on my blog and oh, it feels fucking good!)

The internet lasted another 20 minutes or so after I posted my last entry. Who knows when I will ever get to post this but man, I just needed to vent. It is Thursday night as I write this, by the way. The cable lasted about 3 hours before going back to a black screen. The cable guy came out this evening and fixed it. That was about 2 hours ago. It’s a black screen again. And the AC stopped working again last night. This means that Sam and I had to sit in our furnace of an apartment all day today waiting for these various technicians to arrive. All day, apartment full of boxes, sweaty one year old, 85 degrees, waiting for 3 technicians.

Would you like to know how many actually showed up? One. The cable guy, and you already know how successful that visit was. Supposedly the internet people are coming out tomorrow. Hubby thought it was today but apparently, according to them, he was wrong. And the AC guys spent the entire day two floors up from us installing new ACs into those apartments (I should go tell those people to refuse them because isn’t the point of getting a new appliance to improve one’s situation?) telling us all day that they would be down to fix ours again soon, before finally just leaving for the day at 4:00 without ever checking in. I seriously believe that we have made about 32 calls in the past week regarding our utilities, these utilities for which we pay our money.

I was just sitting out on our little patio deck thing watching a thunder storm come in while Hubby put Sam to bed. It was really nice and I was realizing how long it had been since I’d gotten to do something like that. I love thunderstorms. And I can’t say I was really able to appreciate them while in Chicago because looking at a total downpour over a highway just isn’t quite the same as seeing one come at you over the trees. I didn’t have a deck thing or anything nice to look at. I couldn’t hear the sounds over the cars in Chicago. I couldn’t smell the difference in the air over the gas station across the street. I was sitting outside feeling the stillness in the air waiting for it to hit when all of a sudden the air started to move, the trees started to rustle, and the smell in the air changed to that wonderful clean heat changing to cool smell, like trees, leaves, and water from the sky. I liked it. I loved it.

Over the past few weeks I’ve had many recurring thoughts. One, of course, was: maybe our luck is changing. Another was: I hate it here. It’s crossed my mind over and over again and even escaped my mouth more than once. It’s been extremely difficult to recognize all of the positive things about this place in the midst of the ridiculousness. I need to remember that it will take time to feel comfortable, to find where things are, to figure out how to meet people. I just need to remember all of this and try to be more positive. As I watched that storm come in and felt the air change, new air blowing the old out, I let myself think it again. Maybe our luck is finally changing...or maybe that lightning is going to strike us.

3 Comments:

Blogger ABC Momma said...

Beth - I'm glad you were able to have one moment of peace. Let the rain and tears wash it all away. Luck has nothing to do with it. Your family is in my prayers.

11:36 PM  
Blogger kate said...

sounds like the wind of change is blowing thru your home. moving to a new place can be so challenging on so many levels. i know, i did it over 3 years ago, i had people somewhat close by that i already knew and i still feel like i don't totally, for real live here. i still don't have many friends. hence the blog. community can be hard to find. . .or work yourself into. takes time, i guess.

and you are so right about "march of the penguins." i was choked up thru nearly that whole movie.

crap that was a long comment--sorry!

10:00 PM  
Blogger Mama D said...

I am so sorry that everything has sucked so much since you got there. I thought the part when you talked about the thunderstorm was beautiful. I know that everything will be alright. It's just really hard sometimes. Hang in there!

11:19 PM  

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