The curse of the size 15

Will my 2 pairs of pants that fit make it through the winter? I refuse to buy any more winter clothes because I am confident that next year I will need a different size, a smaller size...but not quite my pre-baby size, probably never again my pre-baby size. My one pair of jeans and one pair of cords have to make it through until it warms up. And as I look out at the lotto billboard (yes, here in my apartment we check the temp by looking out the window at a highway billboard), it is still 37 degrees. In the windy city I am concerned with how much longer we are expected to deal with this winter. But I am not buying more clothes.

And I say I have 2 pairs of pants that fit but in fact that is not true. None of my pants fit me correctly because I seem to be somewhere between sizes. My size 16's were right in the beginning of this season and now they literally fall off when I move. I don't even unbutton them anymore. And yet the clothes I've gotten for the summer at Kohls (I love Kohls and am not ashamed to admit that is where I buy all my clothes...ok maybe I am) in size 14 are totally too tight. Sitting on the floor with the baby will result in serious abdominal cramping if inches are not lost before it warms up.

How is this possible? Well, I've given it a lot of thought and I blame my shelf gut. I had a cesarean birth and this has resulted in a huge mound of flesh placed right above my incision scar. I honestly don't think that this shelf gut will ever totally disappear even with all the ab work in the world. It just feels strange, not like normal skin at all; it is totally solid. Furthermore, it makes my clothing size totally different depending on where the pants fall. Above the shelf: size 16. Below the shelf: 14. So the issue is movement. Once those 16's slip a little I am that mom, the one sitting on the floor at the Barnes and Noble showing everyone behind her the mama panties (maybe your mama panties are cute, mine are not. And really no panties are cute sticking out of your pants when sprawled on the floor. Are the girls who wear thongs that stick out doing that on purpose because it is supposed to be sexy? Is it sexy?). I am the mom who, when it is time to stand up and march around in baby's music class, has to hike up her pants before others have to witness first hand the lovely stretch marked shelf. Maybe this is not a "mom type" and I am the only one who is "that mom." So now you'll know me when you see me. That's me, the one whose one pair of jeans are falling off as I walk to my car in the Target parking lot. How ya doin?