My beginning: "Blogging? How stupid"

When I first learned what a blog was from my uber-hip, super fashionable coworker, I believe my exact words were, "That is so stupid. Why would anyone want to post their own journal entries online for others to read?" It made no sense to me. But I did wonder about this subculture which was clearly up and coming if this guy liked it.

On Friendster a few weeks ago I perused the rantings of a former high school acquaintance. I was intrigued and thought that if I had any interest in any of the topics this guy was writing about it would be damn entertaining. My interest was piqued even as I continued to rave to my husband that blogging was stupid. His response: "Then why do you keep talking to me about it?!" Then 2 days ago it happened. I'm sitting in the doctor's office with my pink eyed son, and I see in the rack the April babytalk issue. According to the cover it contained, "the coolest mama-blogs (and how to start your own)." I shoved it in the diaper bag just before the doc walked in. Are those magazines for us to take? There were 4 copies... I figure I needed it; It was a sign for me.

For the past 48 hours every free minute I have had has been spent reading mama blogs, feeling the connection, nodding in understanding, and feeling some envy that this has all happened without my being involved. It's like taking a walk with the babe and enjoying the day until you walk by the house that has a play group letting out. Fashionable, cute haired, lost the baby weight moms hugging eachother bye bye. How does this happen and where have I been?

I feel it. I feel the need. As a new mom there are so many thoughts, ideas, concerns, musings that go unsaid. Sometimes there is no time to say them. Sometimes the only one there to listen is an 11 month old who will spit at you in response, or crawl away while you're in mid-sentence. Sometimes they are just too private, at least, for anyone you actually know to read them. And so they accumulate. And you think, "I don't have time to journal right now and talking to myself on paper is not what I need." But somehow this, the possibility that someone out there might read it...it's different. It's something of my own, and as any mom of an infant knows, having something of one's own is key.