Little Baby Pukey Pants

Sam is finally asleep. He has a fever and threw up his dinner. I didn’t know he was sick until tonight. He’s been cranky lately, especially today, but he also has a molar coming in so that was to be expected. I felt like we were neglecting him as we got back to our packing mission, and I thought he might be resenting the lack of attention a bit. And I was impatient. Didn’t I say just a few days ago on that meme that I am not always as patient as I would like to be with my son and husband? Let’s go back and check the meme. Yep, that’s exactly what I said. And I have now discovered the downfall of blogging.

I was impatient, despite the signs that something might be wrong. And even if he wasn’t sick he was still teething and clearly cranky because he was in pain. I even thought about this and was still completely…impatient. As I watched the numbers on the thermometer climb I berated myself for my complete and total bitchiness today. And then I realized that the fact that he had a fever did not matter. I should have been more sensitive anyway because he was teething, because we are moving and I know he feels our stress, because we have not been paying as much attention to him due to our being completely overwhelmed, because it is almost his birthday, because he is my baby and he makes me smile and feel better when I am down.

As he fell asleep tonight, just before he closed his eyes, he looked at me and gave me his sweet smile, and I just couldn’t believe he had a smile for me despite the fact that he felt like crap. So I am back to where I was before in mommy fear , where something bad happens to Sam before I realize that I need to relax about this move and the graduation and the party (Oh no! The party is supposed to be in 2 days…and he’s sick…I am totally defeating my point here…) and all the logistics and details of everything. He is all that matters. And if he is able to look at me when he has a fever, an upset tummy, and a huge molar breaking though his swollen gums yet still muster up enough love to make me feel so good, then I certainly should be able to do the same.